298. July 4, 1944
There are moments when I stop and ask myself if my life runs too fast! In fact, time passes the same for everyone. But when you chase life and chase new emotions, time seems to go faster.
If I look back, my life seems so long, but if I look ahead, I know that I have to run, I do not have any time to waste. Desires and dreams yet to be realized are still many, perhaps too many. Often, as a young man I thought that we should be born old and die young!
But in the end I’m happy to have come this far, happy to have walked with my own legs, happy not to have yielded to any compromise, happy to have exaggerated: excess often leads to success! I’m glad I did not take life too seriously, happy to be an adult who is still a boy at heart!
I am happy to have had a Mon who taught me to grow, and then to live; who taught me the other commandments, the ones that God forgot to give us.
I am happy with myself, happy to be humble with the humble and at home among the rich, happy to look people in the eye, happy to feel loved and respected, happy to have five wonderful children, all different from one another because they grew up in different eras. Happy to feel emotion when I see, from my window, the early peach blossoms that announce the arrival of spring, happy to be able to laugh with happiness, happy to be able to cry with emotion, happy to be born, to die happy when my time comes. I have so much confidence in God I do not think He will betray me at the very last moment.
I wonder how my life would have been if that July 4th ’44 had been spent without trauma? Probably at the end of the war we would have moved to Florence; my Dad would have embarked on a new career, I would not be stuttering and I would carry on my studies more or less well… without a doubt better than actually happened.
And after that? I wonder if my artistic sense would have developed the same, or if it was instead the need, the sense of revenge, the desire to demonstrate my skills, to enhance and strengthen the muscles in my little brain in a special way?
Perhaps without the trauma fashion would never have become part of my life; maybe I would have become an architect, perhaps a pianist: I’ve always loved music…
I am sure that our destiny is written before we are born; otherwise how could the small and big things that happen to us seemingly by chance so decisively determine our lives?
We are all at the mercy of fate and of those who – by chance or by the exercise of free will – affect the way we live: a wrong whistle of the referee can completely change the outcome of a game.
We’re used to not thinking about these things, accepting them passively but, while writing my book, I have been thinking a lot and I have looked back several times and asked myself: “If I had not met this person, or if I had behaved in a different way how would it have changed my life? “.
Un forte abbraccio…
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